My Blog

Sometimes I’m scared to face the world that I tend to run away from people and hide my face from them. That’s why I like to wear a cap and go out somatimes because I am not ready to look into people’s eyes,I’m scared that they might judge me for the way I am, I mean it’s true that I shouldn’t think that way because in the end God is the one who will judge you for the way you are.

But look at the world right now,the love between friendship is gone, everybody is backstabbing each other that even if there was a true friendship coming up, their frindship wouldn’t last because now days you can’t trust friends like you can trust yourself. Ok maybe that last bit was kinda wrong,how could we even trust ourselves? One minute we say ‘ok’ and then when something else happens we say ‘no’. I guess the temptation level is rising really badly these days that even fathers are beggining to rape their flesh and blood. Where is the love? Where has all the good man gone?  Where were those days when children could run freely around their home and not get harmed? WHERE?

Only God has the power to protect you from all these fearful,unwanted tragedy. I mean if you really belive that God is there and give your life to Him, I’m sure that you nights will be more peaceful.That is offcourse if you trust Him. And when I say trust,I mean not just to lean on the feelings you are feeling when His spirit is around but to trust Him in your heart that He real no matter how you feel. I know it’s hard to do those things but you know what? The moment you say the sinners prayer and REALLY SURRENDER your mind, body and soul to Him, I assure you that He will make a new move in your life WITHOUT you knowing it. If you think that after you had done those things and nothing is happening, don’t worry because He is working in you slowly and carefully. If you think that you are not worthy to be His child, don’t worry because you are the apple of His eyes (it’s written in the Bible but I forgot where). If you think nothing will ever happen then you are certainly wrong because I’ve been there, the night I came to my first YouthCamp, I wondered wether God is really real and wether He will change my life, and you what I said? NAH! But look at me now! I’m spending time typing these very words at 1.20am just to share to you my testimony. I thought I could never change, I thought that my life would always be the same and that I would never be liked by anyone and be an alien for the rest of my life ( which I could have) but no, the second I confessed and believed (for just a second) in Jesus Christ, my life was transformed inside out. Just remember, YOU are never too old,young,poor or rich to become His child. YOU are never too filthy too become His child….. He accepts you and forgives AND FORGETS your pasts sins,that’s why He sent His only beloved son to die for our sins,it was the punishment His son took which was actually for us but He loved us sooo much that He sacrificed His son Jesus Christ to tell us and to get a chance to hear you say "Father I am sorry,and I want to be you child" He longed for your lips to say " I will live my life for you and I will praise you".

Life was never easy and nobody said it would be if you do certain things, it’s like a puzzle,the second you were born,your life was an empty space to be filled with all the small pieces of puzzle. Each puzzle solves an attitude problem and forms your true self and then at the end of your life, you can see the true picture.

So….are you brave enough to be His child today? It will be hard, but He will be beside you each step of your life no matter what choices you make,if you trust Him, He can make a way for you to have a new chance to life. Infact,you will see beauty in times of war and sadness

Wow year 2008 is near already and I’m sure everbody is coming up with a new year resolution,I have came up with one just a few weeks ago,my aim is to smile in times of trouble and to look on the bright side in the darkness. Another one is to take away that feeling of burden when someone is having financial problem. Hehe I’m eating cheese right now to get more inspiration (so random..i know) It’s not actually a new year’s resolution but a task set by God ,He kinda told me when i was about to fall asleep. I think that’s why I’m having such a tough time these few days, one of them was losing my mobile phone,getting my some people mad at me for some apparent reason.

You know what I think about passionate Christians? I think them as farmers watering the seeds that has been planted by Christ in people and nurturing the seedlings until the seed that was sown grows into a tree. In this thought, I see the Sun as God giving light energy which is the most important source of energy for plants.

I want to be a farmer….because I saw what He has done for me when I was a seed……the question is do you?

What a night today was,not only I got soaked in rain,I also got embarassed when the umbrella got stuck and turned upside down when we were going through the exit of the church. Another embarassing thing was that I was wearing this pants which looked soo much like a pj,imagine walking in town with those under a turned up umbrella (it looked exactly like when the wind blows too strong) with Blessy,who couldn’t stop cackling the whole way through. And today night I also got a little sad that I didn’t have to use my facial wash because my face was already cleaned by my salty tears. It’s not that I’m a cry baby,it’s just that sometimes I feel as though I’m a piece of trash,all stinky and useless whose job was only to polute the fresh air with the stink I produced. I just wish that I would get a job sooner so that I could get a car and a home where I wouldn’t be a burden to the people around me.

I guess that’s what all teenagers want, to be free and not a burden to anyone. You may think I’m selfish and negative minded but nobody (except God) would ever know what pain I’m suffering inside.No one will ever be me and no one can be me. Only God knows me better than I know myself.

Ok,I think that enough about myself.Here’s todays verse " Keep yourself free from the love of money and be satisfied with what you have.For God has said,’I will never leave you nor forsake you,I will never abandon you’ Heb13:5 This verse teaches me alot because I have financial problems and God is telling me to be satisfied with what I have because I really wish I had my own internet connection (yes you are right, I am not typing this at home right now)

It’s great to write in a blog because it’s like a room in my mind to pour out my feelings and thoughts.Hehe…I always say that. I think that’s all for today.Goodnight   

Hmmm..friends? Well I really treasure friendship. Did you know eversince I was young (as far as i can remember is four years old XD) I always searched for new friends but somehow they were too young or maybe too old to understand the value of friendship, therefore I always end up with temporary friendships because they tend to get fed up with me for clinging and following them everywhere they went.

At that age, some of my friends were older than me like ten years older and some the same age,but mostly my friends were and still are younger than me,I guess my thinking is still childish because I still think like one.Most of my friends were Malays because my dad used to bring the whole family to Malay weddings for his job was a cameraman. True his work is not respected by some people but there is always blessings in whatever you do except crime la.

Ok,back to how I found my bestfriend. Year after year,I still could’nt find myself a good friend,they always get angry and seem to be very moody,as a result I became their ’slave’ instead. But God saw how desperate I was in having a bestfriend and He brought her to me in school when I was in primary six,up till now we are still bestfriends. I see God’s blessings in our friendship through the ways He has made, for example the same class we had been to, not always you get your bestfriend in the same class you know and it is a real miracle to have her as my bestfriend year by year in the same class as I am. Like my brother for instance could’nt get to be with his bestfriend at all ,since primary six up till now they have been in different classes.

What I like about true friendship is when we share our feelings for a guy or when we feel truely sad and miserable and can share opinions and comfort and encourage each other.

For me,to have a good strong friendship is to be really honest, like when you don’t like her character in some situation, what I would preferably do is tell her wether she likes it or not. The same treatment goes for me when I have those bad habits that annoys her and I am glad to hear of it for it opens up my eyes that this present thing I’m doing right now isn’t pleasing to her and that I should change. I really like friendships like that because I really agree the proverb which my Bio teacher use to say " Honesty is the best policy"

So, if you want to be my friend, I would like you to tell me the truth about what you dislike and what annoys you alot about my character.k I don’t mind at all unless you’re insulting me la hehe.

Why.

Why is it sometimes when you see me, I didn’t say hi.

Well there are a few reasons and those reasons are:

1. maybe I noticed you but I am just scared that you might not notice me.

2. I might be scared that if  I said hi , you wouldn’t hear me and I will be the one ashamed.

3. I might be waiting for you to say hi first,coz I don’t want you to think that I’m annoying,always saying "HI!"

4. It might be your bad day,so yeah ,I just skip n go.

So yeah those are the main reasons why I did’nt say hi to you.

So if you see me, say hi first la!

Today I prayed that it would be like no other day in my life,a new day that is totally different with Jesus.

I started the morning like any morning,you know going to school and arriving there all sleepy and tired from the previous day. I did feel the unique feeling that today would totally  be a day I had never wished for ,but I did’nt expect it to be the most upsetting day of my life.

First I heard that one of my classmate who WAS a Christian had converted to another religion, I still don’t know why I felt sad when actually I don’t really know him that close.I guess it Jesus inside me weeping for He has lost one of His precious sheep who has chosen to renounce Him and reject Him for the rest of His life.

   I felt all terrible inside and guilty,was it my fault? Was it because I didn’t do my best to show His love ? I felt as if one of my family member has died.

The other problem was that I had a row with my friend who is also a Christian,he said that he will never talk to me until the end of the year,which means he will never forgive me for hitting his head with a book because he did’nt pay attention to what I was talking when we were doing our group project at the last minute or else our O level Qualifying marks for maths would be deducted,maybe I was too hotheaded and had overacted but the fact that I always manage to pass my marks somewhere around the edge of 50 and to me qualifying is really important ,but for him it doesnt matter. I made a mistake for allowing him to be in our group,if only I didnt hit his brainless head maybe all this row wouldnt even exist.I feel so guilty now =(

Adding the pain in your heart from loss of a family member plus another friendship trouble is like two sharp pin piercing into my heart. And the bleeding cost my tears to run down like the Nile River, I just broke down and could’nt do my classwork anymore,I felt that it was all my fault plus my best friend agreeing to it was like another pin into the bleeding wound but I don’t blame her because it’s the fact. I can’t be happy with lies that it’s not my fault.

Right now I just wish we were all in heaven with no more tears to shed and just worship God all day long for the rest of our life.

I pray this little sheep would find his way back to his master,because it’s written in the scripture that everyone of us is precious to Him.

Love,

it does’nt have to be you loving a guy or a girl.For me I love everything like God,family,my best friends,family in SAC even nature.

In Nature

I love to see the sky , trees and animals,for me everything God created is Simply Marvelous!

In Family,

well sometimes I do get mad but offcourse Love can’t overcome hatred Right?

In Friends,

I love my friends for who they are,but sometimes I just don’t get it when they talk ill of me at the back,forgiving them is to common but still I’ll always love them because Jesus created them Himself s to think them of odd or snobbish or bad is saying it in another way that Jesus made them bad,snobbish or odd. I would love them if they would tell me straight or ask me why am I like this or like that.I would tell them without anger.

In Relationship,

I would like our relationship to be formed through Jesus Christ,I would like it if that person would fall in love with me becuase he sees my love for Jesus .

Hmmm,these days I’ve always feel amazed by God’s works,I really love the sky whether it’s sun set or sun rise,actually anytime I look at the sky I really fall in love by the looks of the scenery.And just a few days ago, I realized how blessed I am for having the chance to see God’s creation which is totally beautiful !

My whole life was unstable both financially and personally.I didn’t have any security at all. I knew God is around us but I didn’t get to personally know Him at all. So each day I pray a prayer without faith. Whenever I had any problems, I had no place or nobody to lean on for comfort,offcourse parents are not my place to run to,every teenager will knows that! So I developed multiple identityto find ME,

However my life changed last year when I came St.Andrew Church, I believed it was God’s plans  to bring me to His family to know Him personally,and all that came true in youthcamp where I replaced my burdens for Jesus ’s yoke,after that my life changed totally,I had someone to run to, someone that loves me for who I am, someone to cry out to and share all my happiness and sadness. My life became much more better and filled with love. I thank God for that. I can now talk to Him like my best friend He is AWESOOOME or like Australians use to spell it OOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSOMMME .